Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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