I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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