I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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