Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
