I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
