I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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