he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
