bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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