I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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