I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize