she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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