My brain says no but my pants say off.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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