Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We have started to decorate penises.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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