I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
