I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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