i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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