I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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