he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
