So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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