Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
