After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
