you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dignity is for republicans.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
