..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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