I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
