I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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