the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
