I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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