I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
