We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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