I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize