i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
