Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize