**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i came on her dog
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
