i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So many bounce houses so little time
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize