remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
