I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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