Non-Jews are for practice
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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