I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
