thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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