I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
