You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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