the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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