So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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