I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
