ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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