girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Randomize
