dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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