I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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