PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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