i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i love accidental penises.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
