He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
