don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
