i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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