I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
