Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
BRING THE BAGELS
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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