The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
