He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
