To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
