i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think my moral compass just broke
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
