I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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