while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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