I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
