the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Randomize
