we have officially lost it.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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