i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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