Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
