She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
