if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
