is your mom at the bar?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
