think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
